The journey toward our healing starts with unconditional love and forgiveness – unconditional love and forgiveness we offer first to ourselves. These two are so closely interwoven that it is impossible to conceive of unconditional love without forgiveness and vice versa. As God loves utterly and forgives utterly, so we are to offer love and forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean we suppress our anger – forgiveness means we give up our right to anger. Alone we cannot do this, it is far too hard. We need to turn to God and ask for strength to tread this path, so that we may offer forgiveness, acceptance and love to others. Only God knows and understands others, so rather than trying to analyze their motives, we need only to be accepting and forgiving.
Why is forgiveness so powerful a force? Because, I believe, it is a direct product of love. In therapy, to think about forgiveness is to consider love in the individual and love between people. By love I mean caring about another; it implies being open to another’s life and experience, and wanting good for that person. Although love is natural, it is not automatic, just as the capacity for forgiveness is not easy or mechanical.
To love someone unconditionally means to give them your compassion, understanding and effort — even when things get tough, and even when they make a mistake that hurts you. It means being there for them, and it means not expecting them to change or pay you back for your affection. This does not mean, however, that unconditional love means putting yourself in the way of abuse, harm or belittlement. Committing to love someone — no matter what — does not also mean that you allow them to mistreat you or take advantage of that love. Fall in love with yourself before you expect to fall in love with other people. Dig deep and be compassionate with yourself and the choices you’ve made. Create more positive surroundings and cut off those who detract from the life you’re trying to build. If we truly want to unlock the power of limitless love, we have to learn to be present in the moment and understanding of the mistakes that each and every one of us makes. Nurture your soul and the things that make you feel joy and ease in this life. Learn how to love yourself and others for who you are right now and let go of the rest. We only have a little while here. Make the most of it by unlocking the trans-formative power of unconditional love.
Here are a few things to consider and practice if you want to learn to forgive:
1. you have to want to forgive : No one can force you to forgive, and it’s something that you have to reckon with yourself. How much longer do you want to hold onto your pain? It is a choice you get to make for yourself, and you do have a choice.
2. remember that everyone is doing the best they can : Most people don’t intentionally hurt others. Those who do are in deep pain themselves. Continuing to come back to this truth helps us see each person’s humanity instead of demonizing the one who has hurt us. Instead, I try to understand what would make them make the choices they have made, and even if I can’t understand it, I work on trusting that they are doing what’s best for them.
3. accept that you can only control you : Just like we don’t want others to control us, we can’t make people do what they don’t want to. Notice if your pain is coming from the desire to control someone else. Do you want them to do what you think is best? Maybe you’re in pain because they went back on their word or changed their mind. Taking responsibility for what you can control is empowering.
4. send love : Once you’re able to hold the above perspectives you can begin the forgiveness process. One technique I like is to send the person who has hurt me love. I sit in meditation, and then I imagine the person’s heart opening and their body radiating with love. It’s a great exercise for you to understand that love is abundant. If you give love, it comes back to you even more.
5. say it out loud : At first you might feel a lot of resistance if you’re holding onto the pain tightly. Over time you’ll begin to feel yourself allowing forgiveness, and the words will flow more easily.
You can also imagine your heart opening as you say the words, and you can send the person love while you’re reciting the mantra.
6. let them go : The resistance to forgiveness is caused because we’re reticent to release pain or we’re more interested in being right then in setting ourselves free. Our minds will focus on the situation repeatedly. Sometimes we day dream about the person or stalk them on social media. During these times say out loud, “I release you, NAME.”
7. forgiveness is a process : Sometimes the pain feels so deep that we can’t imagine how we can ever forgive. It’s important to remember that healing is a process. Healing is a process. We make progress, we think we’ve forgiven, and suddenly we’re in a place of pain again. It’s OK. Begin the process of forgiveness all over again. Let it be.
Although we’d rather live pain-free lives, these experiences are opportunities for our own growth if we allow them to be. When we decide to process our pain, to reflect on ourselves, and to release those who have hurt us, we make tremendous leaps in our own transformation.
How can you practice unconditional love?
- Express joy often, smiles are contagious
- Look at the positive side of your relationships
- Be grateful for where you are in life even if it needs to be totally improved.
- When something upsets you, say so, move on, forgive, and let go of the grudge
These steps will trigger feelings of love and happiness.
If you’ve never received unconditional love, it can become hard to then give it out. Below are seven ways you can practice how to love in this way and truly change your life.
1. love is not how you feel, it is more about how you act : Try to think of love in this way and you won’t go far wrong. If you treat love as a feeling, when you are getting something from someone else and then you stop getting it then your feelings will change along with your behavior. An example of this is when you try to be someone you aren’t, or perhaps you have to do something in order to receive love: these then make love conditional. Your love is not based on what someone else does or says, which means you can continue to act the same way regardless of how other people behave.
2. adapt your love to others : Love is received and given to others in many different forms and, unfortunately, there is not a ‘one size fits all’ philosophy. Unconditional love is a conscious decision you make every day and in every new situation that comes along. There are no rules laid out for everyone, you apply it person by person.
3. give unconditionally to yourself : If you are a people pleaser, which many of us tend to be, you’ll be more interested in giving love to others rather than to yourself. The love you give to others will not be unconditional, because you’ll be allowing how they make you feel rule how much love you want to return to them. This is not unconditional. So give yourself unconditional love first, and the rest will come.
4. love can sometimes be uncomfortable : To truly love someone, you have to be able to take the rough with the smooth, and in this instance trying to protect someone from being uncomfortable is not a sign of unconditional love. Pain and growth are part of life and shielding them from this is not love—if you only set out to make them feel satisfied and happy all the time you will do more harm than good!
5. Learn forgiveness : This isn’t about allowing someone to wipe their feet all over you; it’s about choosing to react in a better way, a kinder way for yourself.If someone has hurt you or let you down, choose forgiveness by letting go of the anger and resentment you have towards them.
6. Show love to those whom you think don’t deserve it: Normally when someone else is negative towards you or about you, it’s likely that these people lack something in their own life that prevent them from truly loving themselves. If you see this before you react, and put yourself in their shoes, it can help you in the situation because you know deep inside it is more to do with them than with you. It’s here where you decide to give unconditional love and give it more frequently.
7. Practice unconditional love with a simple act every day : Try to do this at least once a day: give something and not be wanting anything in return. Do something every day and I promise—even though you don’t want anything in return—you’ll get a huge amount of pleasure from just giving unconditional love.
“Without forgiveness and love, you will live with resentment, bitterness, malice and strife which result in more pain. You can never love without forgiving. Forgiveness deepens your ability to love and frees you from pain.”
I love people. I truly want to fulfill everyone’s life with happiness. That is why I chose this topic to write my post .“Love and forgiveness is what humanity needs to show more of if there is ever to be any kind of global healing.”